Well, the title of the post says it all. I am officially a gypsy. Talk about letting go....
And with no "home" to call my own, no car, a dwindling bank account, three pairs of shoes and a suitcase, the journey continues. This may explain why my posts have been few and far between lately. But trust me, the keyboard calls my name all too often. My fingers long for the dance. I justify it by trying my best to fully soak up what is happening in front of my face so when I do return to the page, everything that has been collected in my memory can flow freely. So here we go!
I can try to catch you up on the going-ons in my life, but it might take all night to explain. You probably don't want to read about that anyway. Instead I will attempt to share with you the lessons learned along the path.
Lesson #1: Stay on the path.... Because it is oh so easy to stray. I am so lucky-- lucky to be alive. Lucky to have the gift of a healthy body and mind. If you are saying to yourself, "Well I'M not healthy, so I'M not lucky!", then you are lucky for something else. You have all the tools you need. Chances are you are reading this from the comfort of somewhere (home, coffee shop, work, the beach on your iPhone) through some kind of technologically advanced device (computer, "smart"phone). If you have those things, you have more than most people do-- You are lucky. This also means you have said tools at your fingertips. TAKE ADVANTAGE! With today's advancements, we have access to an abundance of information that can help us to better our bodies and minds. Ever heard of YogaGlo?? $18/month gets you unlimited yoga from master teachers and all you need is an internet connection. My point is that it is easy to be lazy and being lazy for too many moments in a row usually leads to us taking a few steps away from our intended path. Which leads to my next lesson...
Lesson #2: "Be who God meant for you to be and you will set the world on fire!" -- Bishop of London at the Royal Wedding. We all have a purpose, otherwise we wouldn't be here. When we came into this world, when our vibration decided to take physical form, we had a mission to accomplish. It's almost as if life is a game. (That makes it really really exciting.) One of our first tasks is to figure out what that mission is, then we can map it out. We can trace our little steps strategically until we reach the goal. The funny part is that sometimes we find out what this is really early and sometimes really late. Sometimes we don't even know we are doing what we were put here to do. And sometimes it's crystal clear. The bottom line is that until we know, the search must go on and if it doesn't then we are like feathers in a windstorm (which has been a literal and figurative reality for me recently!). Seek your path. Open your eyes. Enjoy the ride!
Lesson #3: ENJOY THE RIDE! When we trust the process, the universe and God (if you can fathom that idea) we can soften into our being, our vibration and our surroundings. Then!!, each breath has a chance to be smooth. Deeper even! Thank GODDESS for the breath. This one little thing which comes so freely to us in any given moment is our gateway to enjoyment. When we hesitate is when we suffer. When we place judgement or get angry because shit doesn't work out like we want it to, we are blocking the flow of the universe that is working through us. We are not letting be what is supposed to be. It's not that serious!!! We just think it is. :) Trust. Soften. Breathe. 1. 2. 3. Simple. As. That.
Lesson #4: Gratitude-- the gateway drug. So so important. So important that I am tempted to move it up to lesson #1. Thanking your lucky stars for what you have been given could possibly be the very thing that will allow more doors to open for you. EVEN if in the moment life is throwing you up against a brick wall over and over again, thank the wall for trying to knock some sense into you. It will continue to give you headaches until the message is clear, so do your best to become friends with it. Once peace is made, the wall crumbles, the karma is cleared and we can move forward. It's magic!! (And addicting once we get the hang of how it works.) Hence the nickname. :)
Oh, man. Thank goddess. Thank you thank you thank you for these lessons. These, my friends, are the very things that are keeping me sane along my journey. Never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be happy without a "home". The best lesson of all is learning that home is everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. Shiiiiiit, talk about being lucky. THAT is a gift-- priceless.
NOW GO EXPLORE! HAVE FUN!! BREATHE! And don't forget to say thank you.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Ace of Wands
There is a spider the size of two quarters crawling around on the ceiling in my room. Might be a cane spider, but can't be certain. Either way, it has been in here for two days, at least. My nervous system is not begging me to unzip my skin so it can sneak away to safety without the 8-legged angel catching its shadow. My heart is not pounding blood through my veins.
I am calm, and actually sensitive toward our shared space--it's inviting, to both of us.
What I am trying to say, is that ANYTHING is possible right now. Anything. When we stop to take a closer look, we surprise ourselves. That is, if we are in the mood to be surprised. If not, status quo it is. There's nothing wrong with that, unless of course you draw the Ace of Wands from the tarot deck on a random Sunday evening after a long day of service and networking.
I haven't written in a while because, well, I've been busy. My energy has been directed toward shooting laser beams of magic out of my whole being rather than through my fingertips into the keys. To be completely honest too, I my plate is fuller now than it ever has been--and I don't even have a job! Africa in two and a half months, going back to Sacramento (details to follow), fundraising, making new connections, getting over old ones, selling my broken car and manifesting a new one, finding a new home (not house, home), establishing my career as a yoga teacher AND finding time to connect to nature and my inner most needs, wants and desires while trying to discern what is truth and what is a "story" that is no longer serving me.
The Ace of Wands is all about creative, fiery power, vitality and passion. With this wand, if you can dream of it, consider it yours. If you want to walk all the way across a rainbow, you can probably grow wings and make it happen. If you want to go to Coachella to party with rock stars, meet inspiring people, teach donation yoga classes and sell the hottest jewelry on the market to all the women who deserve to be wearing it, then book the ticket already, because you are meant to be there. If not, if you can't even think of these possibilities, let alone DREAM of them, I suggest you consult the cards-- or just skip the cards and sit quietly. The answers always come no matter the medium.
As for me, Ace of Wands it is. I'm ready to ride that wave without grabbing on to anything familiar or solid. Speaking of, mmmm, Sacramento definitely taught me how to let go. Two and a half weeks was plenty of time to spend in my hometown. A town that has served me as if I was a goddess for most of my life and continues to do so even today as I sit on this sacred land mass in the middle of the ocean. I still hear her voice and the voices of her ancestors. I still can feel her faint touch caressing my thoughts as they glide through the inner workings of my soul as if they were silken sheets covering my body as a warm wind blows through the open bay windows in the night-- soft and sensual, comfy as hell, yet unnecessary. Who really needs (or even wants) silk sheets for more than a night?
I gained tons of insight in Sacramento- mostly about relationships. Many old behaviors and patterns were magnified, much clarity was gained and several lotus flowers waiting to emerge from the mud had the chance to see the light of day. Thank GODDESS!
Now, with the power of the cosmos behind me, really and truly, anything seems possible... Even this...
...And Coachella, Africa, fundraising, a new home and silk sheets, but only when I'm feeling lavish. There is no time like the present. No time like buckling down and living out life's wildest fantasies. No time like throwing all you own to the wind to chase your dreams and make them come true. Now, amidst the chaos, terror and confusion lies salvation. This is not a myth and it is not a new-age idea. It is the law of the universe: The unity of opposites, according to Heraclitus. For every "bad" there is "good". For every time our Mother Earth purges because of her man-made sickness, more balance is created. Just as our own bodies can heal themselves, so can our planet.
I will draw from the deck once more before I leave you for the night... What must be shared with the collective?
Ten of Swords- Ruin!! "...This card reflects your entire negativity, your self-hatred, your fear of going crazy. The areas of your life that were founded on illusions are losing their apparent solidity and are breaking apart like a house of cards. You are afraid to admit this is happening because you fear the downfall of your unconscious lies and resultant chaos... You can choose to go through this low point. To do so, you will need courage, daring to take risks, and honesty... recognize your fears for what they are: projections. Get up very close to the screen on which you are projecting your terrifying images and you will see that the screen is just an innocent white surface." -G. Ziegler
Honor the downfall. Let go. Chase your dreams! If you hold back, there will be ruin. If you let go, prepare to dive into new depths of your soul. The cards don't lie...
I am calm, and actually sensitive toward our shared space--it's inviting, to both of us.
What I am trying to say, is that ANYTHING is possible right now. Anything. When we stop to take a closer look, we surprise ourselves. That is, if we are in the mood to be surprised. If not, status quo it is. There's nothing wrong with that, unless of course you draw the Ace of Wands from the tarot deck on a random Sunday evening after a long day of service and networking.
I haven't written in a while because, well, I've been busy. My energy has been directed toward shooting laser beams of magic out of my whole being rather than through my fingertips into the keys. To be completely honest too, I my plate is fuller now than it ever has been--and I don't even have a job! Africa in two and a half months, going back to Sacramento (details to follow), fundraising, making new connections, getting over old ones, selling my broken car and manifesting a new one, finding a new home (not house, home), establishing my career as a yoga teacher AND finding time to connect to nature and my inner most needs, wants and desires while trying to discern what is truth and what is a "story" that is no longer serving me.
The Ace of Wands is all about creative, fiery power, vitality and passion. With this wand, if you can dream of it, consider it yours. If you want to walk all the way across a rainbow, you can probably grow wings and make it happen. If you want to go to Coachella to party with rock stars, meet inspiring people, teach donation yoga classes and sell the hottest jewelry on the market to all the women who deserve to be wearing it, then book the ticket already, because you are meant to be there. If not, if you can't even think of these possibilities, let alone DREAM of them, I suggest you consult the cards-- or just skip the cards and sit quietly. The answers always come no matter the medium.
As for me, Ace of Wands it is. I'm ready to ride that wave without grabbing on to anything familiar or solid. Speaking of, mmmm, Sacramento definitely taught me how to let go. Two and a half weeks was plenty of time to spend in my hometown. A town that has served me as if I was a goddess for most of my life and continues to do so even today as I sit on this sacred land mass in the middle of the ocean. I still hear her voice and the voices of her ancestors. I still can feel her faint touch caressing my thoughts as they glide through the inner workings of my soul as if they were silken sheets covering my body as a warm wind blows through the open bay windows in the night-- soft and sensual, comfy as hell, yet unnecessary. Who really needs (or even wants) silk sheets for more than a night?
I gained tons of insight in Sacramento- mostly about relationships. Many old behaviors and patterns were magnified, much clarity was gained and several lotus flowers waiting to emerge from the mud had the chance to see the light of day. Thank GODDESS!
Now, with the power of the cosmos behind me, really and truly, anything seems possible... Even this...
...And Coachella, Africa, fundraising, a new home and silk sheets, but only when I'm feeling lavish. There is no time like the present. No time like buckling down and living out life's wildest fantasies. No time like throwing all you own to the wind to chase your dreams and make them come true. Now, amidst the chaos, terror and confusion lies salvation. This is not a myth and it is not a new-age idea. It is the law of the universe: The unity of opposites, according to Heraclitus. For every "bad" there is "good". For every time our Mother Earth purges because of her man-made sickness, more balance is created. Just as our own bodies can heal themselves, so can our planet.
I will draw from the deck once more before I leave you for the night... What must be shared with the collective?
Ten of Swords- Ruin!! "...This card reflects your entire negativity, your self-hatred, your fear of going crazy. The areas of your life that were founded on illusions are losing their apparent solidity and are breaking apart like a house of cards. You are afraid to admit this is happening because you fear the downfall of your unconscious lies and resultant chaos... You can choose to go through this low point. To do so, you will need courage, daring to take risks, and honesty... recognize your fears for what they are: projections. Get up very close to the screen on which you are projecting your terrifying images and you will see that the screen is just an innocent white surface." -G. Ziegler
Honor the downfall. Let go. Chase your dreams! If you hold back, there will be ruin. If you let go, prepare to dive into new depths of your soul. The cards don't lie...
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Too much concrete!! Mother Nature feeds us more than we know.
May you be happy. May you be healthy. May you be filled with loving kindness and peace. May YOU (me, you and all beings) be happy. May YOU be healthy. May YOU be filled with loving kindness, and peace.
This meditation is done in a way in which we direct our attention to certain people, places and things (beings) and literally send loving kindness and peace from ourselves out toward the subject(s) at hand. If you have worked with it in the past, maybe it would be a good time to pick this tool back up. If not, I highly encourage you to try it. First, send blessings to yourself. Then close friends and family- people who bring you joy. Then, those that trouble you. And if you have any blessings left in you, send it to all beings everywhere- as far as you can possibly imagine. May they all be happy and free.
Notice after the meditation your attitude and perspective on specific beings you sent your love to. Is there a shift within you? Do you feel more compassionate and understanding? How do you feel toward yourself? Towards others?
This tool is always available to you. When you need to hit the RESET button, use this. Sometimes you may have to sit with it for a while and other times just for a moment or two. This, along with the natural elements of Harbin Hot Springs is helped me to hit that button. Thank GOD! Ooohhh, how it was needed.
Being on the mainland has been interesting to say the least. Many times I have wished a plane would swoop down, scoop me up on its wings and take me back to the island- home. Event though Sacramento has been my home for the past 25 years, I truly feel more at "home" on Maui even though I have only been there for 2.5 months!! I feel at home at Harbin's too. So what's the correlation among the three spots? My hypothesis: nature, openness, infinite possibility, Spirit, concrete, "rules", shoes. All have varying levels of these things. Maui and Harbin's have more of the first four and less of the last three.
I've been working with my "magic wand" lately. One that I feel I have received from Mama Maui. As long as I am gracious while swirling it around in the air, it seems to do great things. Acts that seem unimaginable. Times that seem like, "Whoa did that REALLY just happen two minutes after I asked for it?!?" Sometimes it takes longer than two minutes and other times it happens in two seconds.
Being in Sacramento has given me the opportunity to exercise my magic wand, my power and my discernment in that order, specifically. First, the wand. What do I want/need/desire? Swirl it around aaaaand then there's the outcome. Cool. Second, my power. What do I do with the outcome? Take it and run with it, sit with it and soak in its splendor or leave it as you would leave the last bite of dessert (sometimes)? Lastly, discernment. How long do I carry the weight of the outcome with me and where and when do I let it go? These are all interesting questions to assess, but in a way it's like a game- a game of life. In this game, we make wrong turns that set us back, but we also make a lot of right turns that launch us ten spaces forward unexpectedly.
It's exciting. Exhilarating at times. And without the balance of less concrete and less shoes, it's tiring. Even if you don't have the luxury of living in Maui or being able to retreat alone to Harbin's, make a space for yourself. Even if it's time in a hot bath with some essential oils or a Lush Bath Bomb (love those things), find the time and make it happen. Peel yourself away from your phone, computer, friends, coffee shop, favorite bar for a night and retreat! Get comfy with yourself. Love yourself as you would love your lover or best friend or child. Take everyone else out of the picture so you may be better able to serve them when they are actually in front of you. If you are empty, they will not benefit. If you are full, they will feel the effects of your energy and in turn be nourished by you.
It's all about giving and receiving. May you be happy, healthy and filled with loving-kindness and peace.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
OMG! Please Read- Beware the Power of the Message.
Bjork. Honolulu airport. And an overpriced beer. 1:15pm. March 9th, 2011. Today is the first day of the 9th wave of the Mayan calendar. Wholly Jesus. If you consult the diagrams below, you will see what the different waves entail. 9th wave, BEGINNING TODAY!, is the wave of the collective consciousness coming together in harmony. People are waking up! It has been building for years and years and TODAY, today, marks the official beginning. It explains EVERYTHING!!! I'm yelling into the keyboard right now because I am so freaking ecstatic! Finally, I have an explanation for all the things I have been thinking are happening! This means I am not crazy!! Woo wooooooO!!!!
(photos from calleman.com)
Ok. Now that you have checked these diagrams out, are you with me?? Do you see and feel and taste and are able to touch what is going on?? The energy is intense, in the best way possible. I feel it. You feel it if you are supposed to feel it. If not, you will soon. It is inevitable.
I am flying back to Sacramento at the moment to throw a party! A celebration! A time where the collective (you and me and your friends and my friends) are all coming together to support the greater cause, the bigger picture, us. You and me. We are the same. You are me as I am you. Didn't the Beatles say something like that in I Am the Walrus?
As I sit here typing to you as quickly as I can because I have so many thoughts in my head ready to pour out of my fingertips, I can't help but to smile and clap my hands while alone in an airport bar in public. Who cares if people think I'm nuts, right? I have already confirmed to myself that I am not. And I know I am not in a state of denial. We just are moving through the time in which the collective IS in denial. Now, TODAY!, we deepen the awakening process. A little more denial gets stripped from the surface and the onion of life gets more potent- towards the middle- closer to the center and to the truth.
If you are feelin' me, please respond to this post with some sort of 'yes! amen sister!'. It just feels good to know there are people out there on the same page. If not, well, I will pray for you to get you to that place where you can honestly say, "yes! amen sister!".
Let's all take some silent time today to meditate on what is happening in our cosmos. Sit back. Relax. Maybe even lay down in savasana (flat on your back, palms up, body heavy). Don't forget to release your jaw muscles. Soften and feel. Breathe into the majestic power that today has to offer. Breathe it in. Let it sink into your bones- every fiber of your being. This power will continue for a few days. Be open to feeling it. Then, come together. Come be with me on Saturday at the fundraising event. Even if you are afraid of being in a yoga class, come. You can sit in the back or on the side and just watch for all I care. Actually, I am completely open to that. At least the message will be heard. Come, my people! Let's be together.
I can't wait to touch down in Sacramento. I can't wait to see everyone! I can't wait to be at the event with you all. I can't wait to get back to Maui, too. Love to you all. You are my family. Many blessings to you on this powerful day.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Hanuman Leap-of-Faith #2. Here we come, world.
It's 4:20am. The bugs are chirping outside my Haiku haven window, the candle still lit because I didn't blow it out before I went to sleep and my fingers heavy on the keyboard because they have so much to say and have had so little time to be able to spill the beans. (My posts are getting thin... but that's all about to change.)
March 7th, 2011 marks the day of another great Hanuman leap of faith- entrepreneurship. Working for me, myself and I. Before I go into the schpeil (sp?) about why, where and how, I would first like to extend my gratitude to every person and situation that has led up until this moment, for the collective experience is what has caused me to believe that this is the only path I am able to logically walk upon at this given time in this given space. Everything from my upbringing, to how the stars aligned when I was born to my last few jobs and all things in between. My life's compass points in this direction with intense clarity- no wavering. Maybe the crystals I have been wearing have induced a sense of sharpness into the mix, too. Either way, it is crystal-clear that this leap must be taken. Again, if not now then when?!
I leave Maui in 32 hours to head back home to Sacramento for a few weeks. Last month I couldn't WAIT to go home. These past few days, I am realizing how much I am going to miss this new home I have created on Maui. My friends. The source of power I am tapping into (that hopefully is tapped in enough and will travel with me). Inspiration. Encouragement. Clarity. Since my stay on this island, the creative juices have been flowing and I am not ready for any curve balls that traveling back home might have to offer. However, I do know this: my intentions for coming home are even more clear now than when I booked my ticket a few weeks ago. I have a bit more of an understanding about my past life (and by past life I mean the one I was living before I moved away), my direction and my goals. I'm excited. But as I am learning at this very moment, once you are working towards your true purpose, the mind has a harder time shutting off, hence the 4am writing session. Thank God I am trained in a practice that quiets the crazy monkey in my head! So, the flow of my work will continue from where ever I am on the globe, or at least that's my hope.
A good friend once told me that people rarely ever rise above their economic status they were born into. I believe him. Being the woman I am, a strong-willed lioness, I am making the conscious decision to break that chain. Life is about to get hotter that it already is and the steam that I created from the boiling pot of action and faith is rising steadily and easefully. Not to say it isn't taking energy and focus. If anything, it's helping to channel my attention in the most positive way, just like my new neon hula-hoop is helping to rise my kundalini as I get lost in hoop-land on the the beach. :)
Here's to new beginnings! To past teachers, the present moment (where the entire universe is held in one instant) and to the glory the future holds. I can't wait to see all of my Sacramento peeps! I can't wait for the Africa Yoga Project fundraising event at Asha Yoga this Saturday. I can't wait for all of the good conversations to be had by close friends that I haven't seen in a few months and to watch how my growth will contribute to and affect these meetings. I can't wait to allow the ball to continue to roll down it's wild ride of a path. I also can't wait to get back to Maui and see how it is all going to unfold. I can't wait to jet-set all over the globe the next few months and see what I can manifest as I create a job for myself. My life is my work. My work is not my life.
I can't wait til I am 75 and am able to look back and see how it all turned out.
Til then, onward, my friends. Onward and upward. Focus. Clarity. And most of all, basking in the beauty of the lila, the play of life.
March 7th, 2011 marks the day of another great Hanuman leap of faith- entrepreneurship. Working for me, myself and I. Before I go into the schpeil (sp?) about why, where and how, I would first like to extend my gratitude to every person and situation that has led up until this moment, for the collective experience is what has caused me to believe that this is the only path I am able to logically walk upon at this given time in this given space. Everything from my upbringing, to how the stars aligned when I was born to my last few jobs and all things in between. My life's compass points in this direction with intense clarity- no wavering. Maybe the crystals I have been wearing have induced a sense of sharpness into the mix, too. Either way, it is crystal-clear that this leap must be taken. Again, if not now then when?!
I leave Maui in 32 hours to head back home to Sacramento for a few weeks. Last month I couldn't WAIT to go home. These past few days, I am realizing how much I am going to miss this new home I have created on Maui. My friends. The source of power I am tapping into (that hopefully is tapped in enough and will travel with me). Inspiration. Encouragement. Clarity. Since my stay on this island, the creative juices have been flowing and I am not ready for any curve balls that traveling back home might have to offer. However, I do know this: my intentions for coming home are even more clear now than when I booked my ticket a few weeks ago. I have a bit more of an understanding about my past life (and by past life I mean the one I was living before I moved away), my direction and my goals. I'm excited. But as I am learning at this very moment, once you are working towards your true purpose, the mind has a harder time shutting off, hence the 4am writing session. Thank God I am trained in a practice that quiets the crazy monkey in my head! So, the flow of my work will continue from where ever I am on the globe, or at least that's my hope.
A good friend once told me that people rarely ever rise above their economic status they were born into. I believe him. Being the woman I am, a strong-willed lioness, I am making the conscious decision to break that chain. Life is about to get hotter that it already is and the steam that I created from the boiling pot of action and faith is rising steadily and easefully. Not to say it isn't taking energy and focus. If anything, it's helping to channel my attention in the most positive way, just like my new neon hula-hoop is helping to rise my kundalini as I get lost in hoop-land on the the beach. :)
Here's to new beginnings! To past teachers, the present moment (where the entire universe is held in one instant) and to the glory the future holds. I can't wait to see all of my Sacramento peeps! I can't wait for the Africa Yoga Project fundraising event at Asha Yoga this Saturday. I can't wait for all of the good conversations to be had by close friends that I haven't seen in a few months and to watch how my growth will contribute to and affect these meetings. I can't wait to allow the ball to continue to roll down it's wild ride of a path. I also can't wait to get back to Maui and see how it is all going to unfold. I can't wait to jet-set all over the globe the next few months and see what I can manifest as I create a job for myself. My life is my work. My work is not my life.
I can't wait til I am 75 and am able to look back and see how it all turned out.
Til then, onward, my friends. Onward and upward. Focus. Clarity. And most of all, basking in the beauty of the lila, the play of life.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Power, Power, Power and Grace.
Aloha, my family. I call you my family because you are, even if you don't think you are. We all came from the same mommy and daddy millions of years ago, right? It's just been so long that we, as people, have created separation because we are spread all over the globe and we have different skin colors and last names.
I know its been a while since I have gotten a chance to sit down and write to you. Maui life has taken me for a lengthy roller coaster ride. The cool thing about this ride is that the tracks are super smooth. Not to say there hasn't been loop-de-loops and twists, but as upside-down and sideways as they are taking me, I am finding the laughter and joy in each turn. Oh man how refreshing it is.
A few weeks before I left for Maui, I was out and about one night and ran into a friend who knew Patrick better than he knew me. Said friend is one of those people that always tells it like it is, especially if a few drinks are a part of the picture. I specifically remember the last line of our conversation. It goes like this:
"Anna, when I first met you, you had TONS of shine!! You lit up the Co-op when you walked in! Where the f*ck did that go?!?! Get your *ss to Maui and get your shine back, girl!! GO!"
At the time it seemed harsh. I think I even cried that night. He was right!! Cold, hard truth. As much as I don't want to admit it. :) My light was diminished with expectations and confusion. I was starving for a life that was different from my reality and couldn't for the freaking life of me, let it go! Theoretically, I knew it had to be done, but as I was immersed waist-deep in the quicksand, my legs had no power. It took an act of God to fish me out of that sinking hole. I had a picture painted of what I thought I wanted out of life; what things should look like. What I have learned over the past two months is that I don't know if I want any of those things anymore. At least not right now. THAT, my ohana, is a relief. Ahhhhhhh.....
I think when I get back to Sacramento in a few days, I am going to find that man and thank him.
Tonight is the Hindu celebration of Maha Shivaratri. The night of Shiva. It is said that on this 13th moon when the light is the darkest, our prayers and mantras will be magnified 10,000 times! Holy shit! The darkness allows the mind to return into the depths of creation- the beginning. This quietness leads us closer to our heart-space- the truth of who we are. As we enter into the new moon with the coming of new light, those desires that lie deep within our hearts have the chance to be heard loud and clear. Notice the difference between internal and external desires. The external is like, "Well of course I desire a new BMW instead of the old one that I bought on Maui and needs a new head gasket." The internal is like, "I desire to be able to get around the island." Or maybe it's like this...
External: If only I could have more money so I can get a new bathing suit so I don't feel silly when I where the same one to the beach every day.
Internal: If only I can be free to experience the power of the ocean while I lie on the beach regardless of what I am wearing (or not wearing).
See the difference?? The heart-space hold the truth of each experience without judgement and expectation.
Tonight, if you choose to reflect on what you truly desire through meditation, writing, chanting, singing, surfing, whatever helps you get closer to you, find that space that holds the truth. Sit with it. Even visualize it. Manifest it within you so that the external world has a clear idea of what it needs to provide. Once you are clear, it WILL present itself. This is not some hippy-dippy shit I am talking about. It's truth. Need another example?? Here you go.... True story:
I've been working at Penguini, a cutey little cafe in Paia, for the past month and a half. Ya it's cool. Because of that job I have gotten more in touch with cooking and have met TONS of amazing people and connections. However, before I came to Maui, I had the intention of coming to teach yoga and spread the love. I haven't been doing much teaching for the simple reason that I have needed to feel out the scene before jumping in feet first. Now, I have a pretty good grasp of what is going on. Last week, I decided that when I get back from Sacramento, I am making it happen here teaching private yoga lessons. I know I can do it- I have no worries about making the transition toward working for myself. I'm actually STOKED about it. :) So, I set the intention. Cool. I got straight with myself about what I want. Cool. The other night while in Lahaina, I was walking by a tourist information booth when a man ran out with excitement asking about my tattoo. We got lost in conversation and discovered that we could be useful to each other. I want to teach yoga. He owns a business that markets mind/body/spirit activities to tourists and needs good yoga teachers to send his clients to. Great. Done and done. Ask and you shall receive.
Om Namah Shivaya!! May all of your thoughts get quiet and clear. May your heart space open to possibility. May your prayers be answered. Tonight holds so much power. Cherish it. It will open you to the flow of grace in your life- internally and externally.
I know its been a while since I have gotten a chance to sit down and write to you. Maui life has taken me for a lengthy roller coaster ride. The cool thing about this ride is that the tracks are super smooth. Not to say there hasn't been loop-de-loops and twists, but as upside-down and sideways as they are taking me, I am finding the laughter and joy in each turn. Oh man how refreshing it is.
A few weeks before I left for Maui, I was out and about one night and ran into a friend who knew Patrick better than he knew me. Said friend is one of those people that always tells it like it is, especially if a few drinks are a part of the picture. I specifically remember the last line of our conversation. It goes like this:
"Anna, when I first met you, you had TONS of shine!! You lit up the Co-op when you walked in! Where the f*ck did that go?!?! Get your *ss to Maui and get your shine back, girl!! GO!"
At the time it seemed harsh. I think I even cried that night. He was right!! Cold, hard truth. As much as I don't want to admit it. :) My light was diminished with expectations and confusion. I was starving for a life that was different from my reality and couldn't for the freaking life of me, let it go! Theoretically, I knew it had to be done, but as I was immersed waist-deep in the quicksand, my legs had no power. It took an act of God to fish me out of that sinking hole. I had a picture painted of what I thought I wanted out of life; what things should look like. What I have learned over the past two months is that I don't know if I want any of those things anymore. At least not right now. THAT, my ohana, is a relief. Ahhhhhhh.....
I think when I get back to Sacramento in a few days, I am going to find that man and thank him.
Tonight is the Hindu celebration of Maha Shivaratri. The night of Shiva. It is said that on this 13th moon when the light is the darkest, our prayers and mantras will be magnified 10,000 times! Holy shit! The darkness allows the mind to return into the depths of creation- the beginning. This quietness leads us closer to our heart-space- the truth of who we are. As we enter into the new moon with the coming of new light, those desires that lie deep within our hearts have the chance to be heard loud and clear. Notice the difference between internal and external desires. The external is like, "Well of course I desire a new BMW instead of the old one that I bought on Maui and needs a new head gasket." The internal is like, "I desire to be able to get around the island." Or maybe it's like this...
External: If only I could have more money so I can get a new bathing suit so I don't feel silly when I where the same one to the beach every day.
Internal: If only I can be free to experience the power of the ocean while I lie on the beach regardless of what I am wearing (or not wearing).
See the difference?? The heart-space hold the truth of each experience without judgement and expectation.
Tonight, if you choose to reflect on what you truly desire through meditation, writing, chanting, singing, surfing, whatever helps you get closer to you, find that space that holds the truth. Sit with it. Even visualize it. Manifest it within you so that the external world has a clear idea of what it needs to provide. Once you are clear, it WILL present itself. This is not some hippy-dippy shit I am talking about. It's truth. Need another example?? Here you go.... True story:
I've been working at Penguini, a cutey little cafe in Paia, for the past month and a half. Ya it's cool. Because of that job I have gotten more in touch with cooking and have met TONS of amazing people and connections. However, before I came to Maui, I had the intention of coming to teach yoga and spread the love. I haven't been doing much teaching for the simple reason that I have needed to feel out the scene before jumping in feet first. Now, I have a pretty good grasp of what is going on. Last week, I decided that when I get back from Sacramento, I am making it happen here teaching private yoga lessons. I know I can do it- I have no worries about making the transition toward working for myself. I'm actually STOKED about it. :) So, I set the intention. Cool. I got straight with myself about what I want. Cool. The other night while in Lahaina, I was walking by a tourist information booth when a man ran out with excitement asking about my tattoo. We got lost in conversation and discovered that we could be useful to each other. I want to teach yoga. He owns a business that markets mind/body/spirit activities to tourists and needs good yoga teachers to send his clients to. Great. Done and done. Ask and you shall receive.
Om Namah Shivaya!! May all of your thoughts get quiet and clear. May your heart space open to possibility. May your prayers be answered. Tonight holds so much power. Cherish it. It will open you to the flow of grace in your life- internally and externally.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Get Quiet. Get Raw. Get Beautiful.
Oh man!! How time flies when you have two jobs, car problems, are meeting new people, traveling back into past lives, teaching yoga, getting your physical body happy again and trying to plan a fundraiser that is across the ocean from you! Whew! Many times I have thought, "I need to write about this!! This is some good stuff!!", but I'm usually so tired by the time I lay my head on my pillow that stringing sentences together almost seem impossible.
Now, it is morning. I am alert, but hungry. Wait. I just had an idea. I'm gonna go make a smoothie and be back....
Ahhhh much better. Blackberries, strawberries, organic applesauce, almond milk and super seed. Breakfast delight.
Ok. So. I can list all the events that have taken place (some more significant than others), but the most interesting stories I can tell are the ones that are coming from within. I recently started reading the Bhagavad Gita for the first time and its parallels quite deeply with my experiences as of late: internal battles and choosing the righteous path rather than the one that will 'please' others in the face of external turmoil. What I mean by 'righteous' is what is true. What is right for the moment. What feels good to you and you know that if you told your mother that you did said act or thought said thought, she would be proud.
Now, you can wonder how in the world I can be having turmoil while living in one of the most breathtaking places on Earth, right? My only answer to that is that no matter where you go, you are always there. No matter if you are in Maui or Sacramento or a cave in the Himalayan mountains, YOU are always there. You and your wants, needs, thoughts, behaviors, habits, temperament, likes and dislikes. What I have learned over the past few weeks, if anything at all, is simply this: You are always you at the core of your being amongst change, growth and exploration of all that was previously mentioned and all you can do is get quite and listen to your truth. No amount of counseling, acupuncture, spiritual gab, magnet work, body work, tapping or whatever else we can make up these days to "refine" who we are at this moment in time is sufficient enough to make us truly at peace. Yes, do yoga or exercise and pamper your body. Yes, eat a healthy, well-balanced diet with little amounts of processed foods and sugars, toxins, etc. Yes, stay away from harmful drugs. Yes, create a community for yourself. One where you can feel completely open to be authentically you in the company of others. And yes, create a connection with a power greater then yourself so when you are alone, stuck on the side of the road at 10:30pm in the country/jungle/forest and there is a cane spider crawling toward you from your dashboard, you can pray to God that you make it through the moment alive as you jump to the passenger seat while the car is still going and reach your foot over to the driver's side, press the break so you can stop the car, climb out and over the hood and put the emergency flashers on while you stand in the middle of the road and pray and pray and pray that someone comes and is kind enough to stop and help you find the spider. (True story). Five minutes later, a car stopped and a nice young man offered to drive me home then walk back home so I didn't have to sit in the driver's seat again that night. People in Maui are SO INCREDIBLY kind. Thank God.
So, yes. Do all of those things!! However, that looks for you, do it. The rest is simply a distraction and is adding to the 'story bank' of I'm not good enough or If only I could clear this chakra just a liiiiiittle more, I will be all better! We want so many answers from other people all of the time, but I truly believe we all have our own answers within. The hard part for most of us is getting quite enough for long enough to listen. This is meditation. This is awareness practice. This is getting closer to the truth. Because when we REALLY want to know the real truth, it will be revealed to us. It's not always pretty!! It's not always what we want in the moment. And it will only be revealed to us when the universe knows we are strong enough to handle the truth. Only then, will it become beautiful. (Notice the difference between pretty and beautiful). Pretty seems, well, attractive. Beautiful is more whole. Almost like a radiant, glowing light of truth. Being 'pretty' is no longer my objective. I'm over it. I'm more interested in embodying beauty. It feels like the more righteous path- and even more raw. What's past the clothes and shoes and makeup and hair. What's in there?? Where's the light? Know what I mean?? Let's go there. It may be a more treacherous path, but I think it's worth it.
Through all of my adventures these past few weeks, I feel as if Krishna has been riding the waves with me as he does for Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita. I ask him questions when I need to, but most of the time, he just gives me the look. The one that says, "Anna, get quite. Listen to what feels true. Do that. No questions about it. Listen, then follow that voice. It's probably right." So far, it's been pretty right on the money. Interesting....
Sacramento, I will see you March 9th! On the 12th I will be holding a fundraiser for the Africa Yoga Project at Ashamy people I miss so much and teaching Cori's classes at Asha while she is in Mexico, then back to Maui. As for the rest of the world, I will see you when I see you!
Now, it is morning. I am alert, but hungry. Wait. I just had an idea. I'm gonna go make a smoothie and be back....
Ahhhh much better. Blackberries, strawberries, organic applesauce, almond milk and super seed. Breakfast delight.
Ok. So. I can list all the events that have taken place (some more significant than others), but the most interesting stories I can tell are the ones that are coming from within. I recently started reading the Bhagavad Gita for the first time and its parallels quite deeply with my experiences as of late: internal battles and choosing the righteous path rather than the one that will 'please' others in the face of external turmoil. What I mean by 'righteous' is what is true. What is right for the moment. What feels good to you and you know that if you told your mother that you did said act or thought said thought, she would be proud.
Now, you can wonder how in the world I can be having turmoil while living in one of the most breathtaking places on Earth, right? My only answer to that is that no matter where you go, you are always there. No matter if you are in Maui or Sacramento or a cave in the Himalayan mountains, YOU are always there. You and your wants, needs, thoughts, behaviors, habits, temperament, likes and dislikes. What I have learned over the past few weeks, if anything at all, is simply this: You are always you at the core of your being amongst change, growth and exploration of all that was previously mentioned and all you can do is get quite and listen to your truth. No amount of counseling, acupuncture, spiritual gab, magnet work, body work, tapping or whatever else we can make up these days to "refine" who we are at this moment in time is sufficient enough to make us truly at peace. Yes, do yoga or exercise and pamper your body. Yes, eat a healthy, well-balanced diet with little amounts of processed foods and sugars, toxins, etc. Yes, stay away from harmful drugs. Yes, create a community for yourself. One where you can feel completely open to be authentically you in the company of others. And yes, create a connection with a power greater then yourself so when you are alone, stuck on the side of the road at 10:30pm in the country/jungle/forest and there is a cane spider crawling toward you from your dashboard, you can pray to God that you make it through the moment alive as you jump to the passenger seat while the car is still going and reach your foot over to the driver's side, press the break so you can stop the car, climb out and over the hood and put the emergency flashers on while you stand in the middle of the road and pray and pray and pray that someone comes and is kind enough to stop and help you find the spider. (True story). Five minutes later, a car stopped and a nice young man offered to drive me home then walk back home so I didn't have to sit in the driver's seat again that night. People in Maui are SO INCREDIBLY kind. Thank God.
So, yes. Do all of those things!! However, that looks for you, do it. The rest is simply a distraction and is adding to the 'story bank' of I'm not good enough or If only I could clear this chakra just a liiiiiittle more, I will be all better! We want so many answers from other people all of the time, but I truly believe we all have our own answers within. The hard part for most of us is getting quite enough for long enough to listen. This is meditation. This is awareness practice. This is getting closer to the truth. Because when we REALLY want to know the real truth, it will be revealed to us. It's not always pretty!! It's not always what we want in the moment. And it will only be revealed to us when the universe knows we are strong enough to handle the truth. Only then, will it become beautiful. (Notice the difference between pretty and beautiful). Pretty seems, well, attractive. Beautiful is more whole. Almost like a radiant, glowing light of truth. Being 'pretty' is no longer my objective. I'm over it. I'm more interested in embodying beauty. It feels like the more righteous path- and even more raw. What's past the clothes and shoes and makeup and hair. What's in there?? Where's the light? Know what I mean?? Let's go there. It may be a more treacherous path, but I think it's worth it.
Through all of my adventures these past few weeks, I feel as if Krishna has been riding the waves with me as he does for Arjuna in the Bhagavad Gita. I ask him questions when I need to, but most of the time, he just gives me the look. The one that says, "Anna, get quite. Listen to what feels true. Do that. No questions about it. Listen, then follow that voice. It's probably right." So far, it's been pretty right on the money. Interesting....
Sacramento, I will see you March 9th! On the 12th I will be holding a fundraiser for the Africa Yoga Project at Ashamy people I miss so much and teaching Cori's classes at Asha while she is in Mexico, then back to Maui. As for the rest of the world, I will see you when I see you!
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