Aloha, my family. I call you my family because you are, even if you don't think you are. We all came from the same mommy and daddy millions of years ago, right? It's just been so long that we, as people, have created separation because we are spread all over the globe and we have different skin colors and last names.
I know its been a while since I have gotten a chance to sit down and write to you. Maui life has taken me for a lengthy roller coaster ride. The cool thing about this ride is that the tracks are super smooth. Not to say there hasn't been loop-de-loops and twists, but as upside-down and sideways as they are taking me, I am finding the laughter and joy in each turn. Oh man how refreshing it is.
A few weeks before I left for Maui, I was out and about one night and ran into a friend who knew Patrick better than he knew me. Said friend is one of those people that always tells it like it is, especially if a few drinks are a part of the picture. I specifically remember the last line of our conversation. It goes like this:
"Anna, when I first met you, you had TONS of shine!! You lit up the Co-op when you walked in! Where the f*ck did that go?!?! Get your *ss to Maui and get your shine back, girl!! GO!"
At the time it seemed harsh. I think I even cried that night. He was right!! Cold, hard truth. As much as I don't want to admit it. :) My light was diminished with expectations and confusion. I was starving for a life that was different from my reality and couldn't for the freaking life of me, let it go! Theoretically, I knew it had to be done, but as I was immersed waist-deep in the quicksand, my legs had no power. It took an act of God to fish me out of that sinking hole. I had a picture painted of what I thought I wanted out of life; what things should look like. What I have learned over the past two months is that I don't know if I want any of those things anymore. At least not right now. THAT, my ohana, is a relief. Ahhhhhhh.....
I think when I get back to Sacramento in a few days, I am going to find that man and thank him.
Tonight is the Hindu celebration of Maha Shivaratri. The night of Shiva. It is said that on this 13th moon when the light is the darkest, our prayers and mantras will be magnified 10,000 times! Holy shit! The darkness allows the mind to return into the depths of creation- the beginning. This quietness leads us closer to our heart-space- the truth of who we are. As we enter into the new moon with the coming of new light, those desires that lie deep within our hearts have the chance to be heard loud and clear. Notice the difference between internal and external desires. The external is like, "Well of course I desire a new BMW instead of the old one that I bought on Maui and needs a new head gasket." The internal is like, "I desire to be able to get around the island." Or maybe it's like this...
External: If only I could have more money so I can get a new bathing suit so I don't feel silly when I where the same one to the beach every day.
Internal: If only I can be free to experience the power of the ocean while I lie on the beach regardless of what I am wearing (or not wearing).
See the difference?? The heart-space hold the truth of each experience without judgement and expectation.
Tonight, if you choose to reflect on what you truly desire through meditation, writing, chanting, singing, surfing, whatever helps you get closer to you, find that space that holds the truth. Sit with it. Even visualize it. Manifest it within you so that the external world has a clear idea of what it needs to provide. Once you are clear, it WILL present itself. This is not some hippy-dippy shit I am talking about. It's truth. Need another example?? Here you go.... True story:
I've been working at Penguini, a cutey little cafe in Paia, for the past month and a half. Ya it's cool. Because of that job I have gotten more in touch with cooking and have met TONS of amazing people and connections. However, before I came to Maui, I had the intention of coming to teach yoga and spread the love. I haven't been doing much teaching for the simple reason that I have needed to feel out the scene before jumping in feet first. Now, I have a pretty good grasp of what is going on. Last week, I decided that when I get back from Sacramento, I am making it happen here teaching private yoga lessons. I know I can do it- I have no worries about making the transition toward working for myself. I'm actually STOKED about it. :) So, I set the intention. Cool. I got straight with myself about what I want. Cool. The other night while in Lahaina, I was walking by a tourist information booth when a man ran out with excitement asking about my tattoo. We got lost in conversation and discovered that we could be useful to each other. I want to teach yoga. He owns a business that markets mind/body/spirit activities to tourists and needs good yoga teachers to send his clients to. Great. Done and done. Ask and you shall receive.
Om Namah Shivaya!! May all of your thoughts get quiet and clear. May your heart space open to possibility. May your prayers be answered. Tonight holds so much power. Cherish it. It will open you to the flow of grace in your life- internally and externally.
