Teachers and Films

I found myself today asking "Why!?" so many times. Why this? Why that? Why is this happening? Why is the effin sky blue? Why do I get myself into certain situations that turn out to be disappointment after disappointment? (Not always. There have been many successes too... The disappointments just seem to spark the question more often.) I've asked this question my whole life, especially in Junior year Algebra II. Ugh. The ONLY answer I could come up with is simply: Teachers. Teaching me about others and most importantly about myself. About the truth and about reality. I guess I am cursed with the never-ending seek for knowledge- for the truth.

Then my next question: "WHY??!?!" Why do I need to learn these certain lessons while others seem to skate right on past??? Dharma. It must be. We all have our own paths to walk.

A few months ago, I was hangin with Maureen, getting deep into philosophical conversation like we always do, and she posed to me a great point-of-view to consider. What if we saw our lives as the observer rather than the actor. Like how we watch films of TV shows. There is always a storyline. Always a setting. There is always a climax. A romance. A lesson learned. A moral to the story. A laugh. A cry. (Well, not always), but you get what I mean. And there is always an ending. One picture perfect, carefully thought-out story with depth, twists, turns, loop-de-loops and smooth sailing. The good thing is, it all always ends up ok. Even if someone dies, its ok. Life goes on. Even in the romance ends, its ok. They move on. And ALWAYS: the lesson is learned. The moral of the story is told. As the observer, we take what we get from the footage and we keep going forward. If only it was this easily applicable to our own lives.

All too often, we see ourselves as the actor, right in the thick of it all. The relationships, twists and turns. The plot, climax and ending. What if, just what if, we could be the observer amongst being the actor. What if we could remove ourselves enough while in solitude to reflect on the day as if it were our own  film? We are the star. What if we could watch, laugh, cry (well, not always), learn the lesson and the moral and move on? Totally possible, right?? Sounds easy on paper, right?? Ok. Let's apply.

Sit quietly. Close your eyes. Reflect on the day. The conversations. The interactions. The distractions. Alone time. Work time. Friend time. Things that made you laugh. Cry. Smile. Feel. Mmmmmm. What kind of movie is it when you watch the playback? Is it a comedy, thriller, romance, documentary?? Most of all- do you like what you see? Do you like the main character? Do you fall in love with them just like I fall in love with Froto each night I watch Lord of the Rings?? :)

Seriously. This is cool. To be the observer of your own life and notice if you like the movie or not. We all have the power to change our storylines if we don't like them. We have the power within ourselves to fall in love with the main character by writing a different script. One where whatever characteristics in a movie-star you love the most shine through in each daily film.

I think then, the question of "Why?!?!" becomes irrelevant, or even petty. You have a chance to see why at the end of each film. You have a chance to watch the progression of the plot and the development over time and of the main character and his or her behaviors. You have a chance to enjoy from a distance and be excited for the next episode. Right? We've all been hooked on a TV series at least once. Of COURSE you want to know what happens next!! You talk about it with your friends all week long til the next Tuesday at 8pm arrives. Then, relief sets in for an hour.... And the cycle begins again! Can't wait til the following Tuesday!

When we can watch from a distance and over time, it all starts to make sense. The seasons build upon each other into box-set DVD's. We see why some relationships end so others can begin. We see why some lessons are harder than others- because we apparently need to work on whatever is being taught to us. We see what makes us laugh and what makes us cry. We learn about the development of the main character and come to love them for them. This is yoga. This is being present. This is non-attachment. And from all this is growth. When we stop growing, we die. First spiritually, then mentally, then physically.

I am rededicating myself to watch my film. To the be observer. Hopefully this will help ween out the "Why??'s" and allow for the teachers to get their message across. Enjoy the ride- with the laughter and sadness and all that lies in between.