Illusions and Mars

Seriously?? Does every man NOT have it together until they are 40? Ladies with more experience than I, can you please answer that question for me?? What happens on Plant Mars that makes their species so foreign to me?

If you can't tell, I'm feeling a little discouraged in the human race, especially the percentage that are MEN! Not just men though. Some of the ladies are pretty lost too... (Work in a 'cool, new, hip' restaurant for a night and you will know what I am talking about.) I'm having thoughts of being so alone and separate from others right now. It's like I don't even belong on the Earth- like I am here at the wrong time. I feel like a 45 year-old soul and a 35 year-old mind in a 25 year-old body. Totally confused. Don't get me wrong, I actually like my thought process, and I like how I am today, but it's like my puzzle piece just doesn't fit with the rest of the 25 year-old pieces. And I even try to move to an "older" puzzle, and it STILL doesn't fit!! It really truly only feels like it fits intellectually into waaaay older puzzles, and sometimes, on the very rare occasion, I find a piece that is born into the younger puzzle like me, but is lost and wondering too, trying to find the right fit.

I feel like this, and my life reflects it. I shut out friends and lovers. I often tell myself that other people 'just don't get it'. That they are not on 'the level' that I would like them to be. I have a hard time opening up to people and letting them into my daily life- but I'm really really good at keeping tons of aquaintances. :) So this brings me to my real question for the night- Is it all an illusion?? Am I making this all up in my 35 year-old head, or is it really true that I just don't connect well with people because we truly ARE on a different level and they just don't get it?!?!

I kinda believe both. I believe I can definietly make stories up in my head about people or situations. I believe my mind can run on and on about something that is not true. I believe that some of what I think is an illusion, yes. I believe I can have a bad thought about someone/thing one day and have a good thought about the same thing the next. That case supports the illusion theory.

On the other hand, I also know what it feels like when I resonate with someone or with some situation and it feels REALLY good. It feels like it fits. I've had those experiences many many times- but they are more rare. This is what makes me know deep down that I fit somewhere- into some puzzle!! Just not right now, and it doesn't feel very good.

Instead of sinking deeper and deeper (which is easy to do-- that's why so many people are on anti-depressants and anxiety medicines), I'm going to fight the freaking battle. I'm going to try my hardest to honor myself. To question my thoughts. And to speak with grace and INTEGRITY for what I truly believe is right. To live from a place of love, even if it means pointing out to someone that their head is not screwed on straight at the moment. The loving thing is to help them straighten it as much as they will let you. When it can't get any more straight, it's time to walk away.

I'm making a call to the universe... once again... please PLEASE show me that there are people out there that get it. People who I can resonate with so I don't have to feel like my expectations are too high. Really, I don't think they are. They're not too hard to meet. All I want is for people to live with truth and integrity and responsibility. Is that too much to ask?? I know that if I hold on to expectations, I will still suffer. But I'm ok with that right now. I need some more faith in the human race before I can let that go. I will keep looking for it until I find it...